It’s the weekend so you know what that means! Time to treat yo’ self! Unfortunately with this lockdown, most things have been closed. Actually, just today I tried to get some Creamistry, turns out it’s still closed. Someone needs to explain these lockdown rules to me because…
Anyways, Creamistry is not just your ordinary ice cream shop. The ice cream is “made to order”, meaning you are able to pick the base, flavor, and toppings you want for your ice cream. There are over 60 options to chose from, so once you decide on what you want they make your ice cream right there in front of you! They fuse the ingredients together using liquid nitrogen which is pretty interesting, but it’s better than eating processed ice cream that has been on the shelves for months!
My personal favorite thing about Creamistry is that they have options for people who can’t have dairy! For years I had been trying to find a non-dairy ice cream that actually tasted like ice cream without all the weird ingredients, and I finally did! My favorite thing to order at Creamistry the coconut base with oreos and a waffle cone.
There are plenty of locations popping up around Los Angeles, so if you spot a Creamistry in your area pop in and give it a try!
My ultimate guilty pleasure is the 2000’s HBO smash hit Sex and The City!
Sometimes Carrie makes me roll my eyes a bit or shout at my screen, but at the end of the day I admire these four women and (not all… but MOST of) their views on men, dating, and the importance of enjoying your single life.
Miranda is my favorite overall, but I couldn’t help but wonder… who has the best style out of the group???
When getting to know someone, we find ourselves feverishly trying to read between the lines and point out red flags. Sometimes we’re too busy trying to find out what someone’s flaws are, that we ignore all of the GOOD qualities they have to offer. I like to call these GREEN flags!
The dating world is such shit these days, so I don’t really blame people for focusing on the red flags. People are crazy and don’t know how to develop long lasting relationships. I’m pretty guilty of often ignoring red flags, all because I’m hopeful that someone will change. But honestly these people DON’T want to change. They want to find someone who will change to fit their expectations, which most of the time are unrealistic. Once I remove myself from these situations I see just how toxic these mother fuckers were. For so long I’ve constantly experienced gaslighting and manipulation, when I really wasn’t asking for much out of the situation. If I can’t express my feelings without a guy getting mad, or having them blame me for the demise of a potential relationship, clearly they’re not the one. And they’re probably just a straight up asshole to everyone around them, mainly because nobody has called them out on their shit and told them to grow the hell up.
That being said, once you actually DO find someone who checks off all of the proverbial boxes, you find yourself trying to figure out what’s wrong with them. Nobody is completely flawless, but after a while we do find someone that is exactly who we need. Unfortunately due to past experiences, I find myself nitpicking every conversation and second guessing my own actions in order to not screw the situation up. When in reality, one difference of opinion or interest shouldn’t be enough for someone who really is interesting in developing something further. I’m training myself to pay more attention to and highlight these green flags rather than attempt to find some sort of negative attribute about someone who is everything I’ve asked for. Everyone has different needs in a relationship, but I’ve listed the 10 most important things to me when it comes to dating (in no particular order). Check it out below!
They always say communication is key, and it really is! I consider myself to be a great communicator, so I would encourage my partner to be the same way. If I said something that hurt my partner’s feelings or did something they didn’t particularly like, I would expect them to properly communicate this to me. I’m really not easily offended, but the way a message is conveyed is important. For instance, there is a difference between saying “you never listen to me!” and “I feel like I’m not being heard”. Truthfully no one can dispute with you about how YOU feel, all they can do is try to change their behavior and improve the situation. But if you present the situation as an attack, more than likely the issue won’t be resolved. So communication very is important on both ends!
I hate a fucking liar. Even when it comes to a little white lie. If you want to spend time with your boys or time alone, just say that. I don’t need some sort of made up excuse, because that makes me feel like I can’t trust you or that you don’t trust my reaction to situations. Of course if a guy lies about something major like cheating then all bets are off, but little things like not liking a certain interest of mine aren’t necessary to lie about. I would rather someone be authentic from the beginning rather than lie to appease me. If someone likes to stay home but forces themselves to constantly go out just because their partner likes it, they’re not being authentic to themselves and it will eventually be a major flaw in the relationship.
They Hype You Up
Now, I’m not someone who needs constant compliments and validation. But it is good to feel like you have someone in your corner rooting for you. I’m super close with my family, and they constantly hype me up. But at times it feels biased because, well, they’re my family! Though they’re pretty honest with me If I do fuck something up, it’s hard for me to receive their compliments because they’ve known me for 25 years and we share the same genes. It’s awesome to be able to meet someone who at one point was a complete stranger, actually want to see you succeed and do great things in life. In the past I’ve felt as though I had to dim myself down in order to not outshine my partner, which is so pathetic on both ends. If you don’t want to see your partner succeed you don’t deserve a partner. And I’m personally embarrassed that I tried to make myself appear as less in order to make some bum feel more. Someone who is that insecure is never going to suddenly gain a drastic boost of confidence, but they certainly will feel some sort of power when they realize they’ve halted someone else’s growth. And we ain’t letting that shit slide anymore!
Difference of Opinions
People are people! There are bound to be differences of opinions, we aren’t robots so we shouldn’t try to program ourselves to be the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend. I love staying active. I workout 6 times a week, I know that lifestyle isn’t for everyone but I’m not going to write someone off if they don’t like it. If someone loves horror movies or anime, I’m not going to write them off because it’s not something I’m interested in. I feel like with everything there is some sort of compromise, not in the sense that you are compromising yourself, but you are agreeing to come to an equal decision with someone you care about. If I workout 6 times a week, and my partner isn’t that active, maybe we could find some sort of shared workout to do together that we both enjoy. If I like the apartment to be 70 degrees, and they like it to be 80, it’s pretty easy to keep it cool at a nice equal 75 degrees. Don’t get me wrong, some things are total deal breakers. For instance, if you are a trump supporter, you can lose my number immediately. We’ll never agree on that. But I feel some people like to use their unshared interests as an excuse to end things or have some sort of leverage. It’s perfectly normal to have completely different interests, it actually keeps things interesting! (Yes pun, intended).
They Don’t Make You Feel Bad for Having Feelings
I know, it’s a bit of a mouthful. But it’s true. As women we already have a fear of expressing ourselves to avoid appearing overly emotional. So when it comes to a relationship, we think to ourselves “oh god, let me not make a big deal out of this so he doesn’t think I’m emotional or even worse, crazy”. I mean how fucked up is that? Some of these have made us feel like we can’t even express completely normal emotions. I mean I guess that’s why that show Snapped exists, totally kidding! But truthfully it’s unhealthy to bottle up your emotions, just to spare yourself an argument with your partner. If you can’t come to your partner and talk about something that’s bothering you or something you’re insecure about, kick that dude to the curb. I am guilty of saying “I’m sorry I feel that…” because so many guys in the past have made me feel as though my feelings were some sort of allergic reaction to their douchey behavior. Instead get yourself a partner who says there’s no reason to be sorry for feeling a particular way, especially if the emotions are valid.
Obviously your partner should have the utmost respect for you, that’s a given. But for me, it’s also important that they are respectful to those around him. I always like to ask what a guys relationship is with their mother. That often tells me all I need to know. For instance, if they spend time with their mom, communicate with her often, and help them when needed, clearly they have a great character and have been brought up well. My brother is super close to our mom, and because of this he treats his girlfriends with respect. (Some of the ones in the past definitely didn’t deserve it, but he has since learned his lesson and found a great gal!) Also if a guy is rude to a waiter on the date, they might as well get the check right then in there. I especially hate when I’m on a date and can’t even get a word in. I went on a date with some turd who thought he was a big shot because he went to grad school, by time he shut up for 10 seconds I couldn’t even think of anything to ask, my brain was enjoying the silence. To me, that just shows me that you think you’re above certain people. That also tells me that you probably have a small dick, and are trying to compensate by being some over masculine asshole. Gross.
I am a very goal oriented and ambition driven person. Since I was about 6 years old my mom has been asking me what I wanted to do with my life. Yeah, I know I’m only 25 and should be having “fun”. But to me, being in debt and floating through life is not fun. The decisions I make now at 25 determine what my life will be like at 40. I’ll actually be 26 at the end of the year, so I’m pretty close to 30. I know way too many people who are still having fun and are pushing 30 with no life goals or financial savings. Sure my parents help me out with certain things, but I pay 90% of my bills. Regardless of money, I need someone who also wants to push boundaries to further their career. I don’t see myself staying in some 9-5 job my entire life. I hope to be able to start my own brand (a la Elite Urbanite) and eventually have my own event planning company, because it’s always been a passion of mine. I’m all for being someones support system, but I’m not going to be someone’s mommy either. I don’t have enough drive for the both of us.
The Conversation Flows
I can literally talk about everything. I meaaaaan you can’t start a blog without having some sort of vast knowledge of a bunch of random shit going on in the world. So here we are! I absolutely HATE when I have to keep the conversation going or think of things to talk about. Talking to someone you want to date shouldn’t feel like a task. If talking to that person for 3 hours feel like 10 minutes, they’re definitely the right one. I am a bit of a “Chatty Kathy” (again, why I started a blog), so I’ve felt as though I was annoying guys by talking about serious issues like politics and culture, or even fun things like music, memes, and tv shows. But if you aren’t able to talk about anything and everything, how do you expect to *possibly* spend the rest of your life with this person???
They Give You Space
Lastly, and probably most importantly… they give you spaaaace. Dating during this quarantine is somewhat easier because we’re forced to give one another space and are actually able to get to know one another! As I mentioned before, we are HUMAN. Sometimes we like to be alone, I know I certainly do. It’s nice having someone to chat with during quarantine of course, but in person I don’t expect to see someone every single day. Once the world opens back up there will be so many different aspects of our lives that’ll change, one of those things will be returning back to work. After a long exhausting day of work I do not expect my partner to want to spend hours with me. That’s literally what the weekends are for. Sure a mid week date night is always fun, but eventually spending time will feel draining and like something we don’t even want to do. Even when it comes to friendships and extracurricular things. If I feel like having a weekend with my girls, I would expect my partner not to have any issues with that and vice versa. As someone who enjoys a bit of alone time, I would be thrilled to hear my partner is spending the day playing golf with his boys.
As a broke college student, living on campus on the weekends were rough. When my friend and I needed to escape the stressful school environment, we would hit up Abbot Kinney. If you’re looking for a cool place to unwind, and want a change of scenery, TOM’s Flagship Store is the place to go. Located about 10 minutes away from Loyola Marymount on Abbot Kinney, TOM’S Flagship Store is a super chill spot to grab coffee (or if you’re like me, tea), study, and even shop. There is something for everyone in this surprisingly large coffee shop. They sell cold pressed juices by the company Juice Served Here, Organic Tea and Coffee brewed by the TOM’s brand, as well as a large selection of shoes, sunglasses, and handbags by the brand. The employees here are very friendly and said they would love to see more Loyola Marymount Students come in. As I sat in the coffee shop, I heard music from the likes of Major Lazer, The Beatles, Alabama Shakes, Arctic Monkeys and many other bands that had me constantly re-opening my Shazam app. The tunes in this hidden gem are pretty appealing to someone with an eclectic ear, much like myself. The rustic decor allows for a very cozy environment, making you feel as if you were vibing out in your own living room. Though parking is minimal, I highly suggest you take the time to check out TOM’s Flagship store one weekend. And if you’re up to do a little discovering, Venice is definitely a nice place to walk around once you finish up your tasks!
I finally went to Amoeba music after wanting to go for months. I originally posted this in May of 2019, now just over a year later this location has been shut down. It’s so disappointing that the asshole in charge doesn’t care about small businesses whatsoever. I recall an outlandish statement he made at the beginning of this quarantine, he (I don’t even want to give 45 the decency of calling him a “he”, rather than an “it”) said that places will open back up, but they might be owned by someone else. How disgusting… these people have built their businesses from the ground up, even went into debt, and were forced to shut down due to YOUR bullshit. Easily one of the most elitist and pretentious comments I’ve heard (and that says a LOT)! Yes, I know they simply moved locations, but the Sunset Boulevard store was so iconic and really meant so much to people who have spent their whole lives in LA or even music heads who stopped by while in town. Read below about my (what would technically be my last) experience going to Amoeba Music on Sunset Boulevard!
Yes, I know I’m late to the party but I’m glad I finally went! Amoeba Music is a record store located on Sunset Boulevard. There are many other Amoeba locations around California, but the original location opened up in 1990, on Telegraph Avenue up in Berkeley, California. I happened to go on “Star Wars” Day, so all of the Star Wars items were on sale! I got myself a poster of the Japanese release of A New Hope (*update, this is currently hanging in my apartment!), and for my brothers birthday I got him an ASAP Rocky candle (like a spoof of those tacky Jesus candles), and a box set collectors item of The Big Lebowski (because I am THE best sister).
There is SUCH an extensive collection of vintage music, movies, posters, and art from all different genres and decades. I wasn’t even sure where to begin! It was also quite nostalgic to be in there because I remember actually buying CD’s to put in my boombox and disc-man. My mom also felt nostalgic when she saw 8-track records and Vinyl’s that my grandma used to play around the house. I was able to find a few cool items, but I felt as though there was so much to discover. Though this iconic location has permanently closed it’s doors, I’m excited to check out the new spot on Hollywood Boulevard, opening in Fall 2020!
As a young black girl growing up in a predominately white neighborhood, it was very easy to lose your sense of self. Luckily my parents instilled in me what it meant to be black and how being “different” is nothing to be ashamed of.
Of course, the older you get, you begin to look for validation from the outside world. I would often come home and turn on the television at the end of the day just to be able to see personalities like my own, seeing as everyone else around me looked and acted a certain way. I knew I would find comfort once I tuned into my favorite shows, because they were just like me!
Here is a list of the most influential female Black television characters that shaped who I am today!
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Susie Carmichael (The Rugrats) – The Rugrats was an amazing show, I still watch it to this day. But once Susie Carmichael was introduced was opened up to a more diverse audience. As a young girl I had no idea why I related to Susie more than the other characters, but as I got older I realized it was because she was exactly like me! Susie was a sassy little girl – but not in the way Angelica was. Most importantly Susie was smart, which was something that had not been seen in black cartoon characters.
Numbuh 5 (Codename Kids Next Door) – Abigail Lincoln, better known as “Numbuh 5” was someone who I related to around the time I was in the fifth grade. Though Numbuh 1 was the “official” leader of the squad, the team would be nothing without Numbuh 5’s smart, responsible, and laid-back style of leadership.
Raven Baxter (That’s So Raven) – The Baxter family was very similar to my own family. A close-knit black family who can talk to each other about anything. Raven and her hi-jinks always made me feel like it was OK to be quirky and loud, as long as I wasn’t hurting anyone… or in Raven’s case, hurting myself!
Denise Huxtable (The Cosby Show) – Before the recent scandal, I would often watch re-runs of The Cosby Show on Nick-at-Nite. It was always great seeing a black family who did not fall into the stereotypes that most TV writers put them into, Denise being the most individualistic of all the Cosby Kids. She was always eloquent and “woke” before we even knew what woke was, and we all admired her for it.
Princess Tiana (Disney’s Princess and the Frog) – Though it took forever and a day for us to get our own princess, it was worth the wait! Princess Tiana is a hardworking woman, which had not been seen in any other Disney princess movie. She was determined to open her restaurant and stick to her morals which is always key.
Issa Dee (Insecure) – Issa from Insecure is both someone to look up to and someone to learn from. We see the realistic life of a black woman figuring herself out and sticking up for herself in situations. I’m sure many other young black twenty to thirty something year old women get excited to see what situation Issa will get into next.
Bonnie Carlson (Big Little Lies) – Bonnie did not exactly stick out to me when I read the book, but once I watched the series she stole the show! I already am a huge fan of Zoe Kravitz, so it wasn’t too hard for me to get on board with Bonnie. I was most impressed by her level-headed decision-making skills and the way she supports other women in the series. Her role of “peacemaker” between her new husband and his ex-wife is also something to take note of.
Jodie Landon (Daria) – I recently started watching Daria on Hulu (seeing as I was around 6 years old when the show ended). Jodie is the perfect representation of how I was feeling toward the end of my time in High School. I was so tired of just being “the black girl”. Plenty of teachers would confuse me with other black girls who looked nothing close to what I looked like… yikes! Jodie was fed up with her classmates seeing her as just another token black girl, and honestly, I can’t blame her.
If you’re like me, you’ve ran out of things to cook and are tired of eating the same shit over and over again. I am also a weakling and am allergic to all things dairy and tree nut related, so that doesn’t give me many options (thanks immune system)…
So once I saw Ayesha Curry announce she was releasing a cook book I preordered that sucker back in June! And boy am I glad I did!!! The title of her cook book is “The Full Plate” because as a mom of three and wife to superstar NBA player Steph Curry, she doesn’t have much time to cook elaborate meals. I don’t have any kids nor am I married, but I am something even better, a lazy single 25 year old woman!
For starters, I was thrilled to see all of the different drink recipes in the book. I typically stick to my cranberry and vodka or my prosecco, but I think the quarantine is a good excuse for me to test out my bartending skills. I’m most excited to try out the “Dirty Flower”, which consists of bourbon, creme de violette, lemon juice, and cherry syrup. As well as the “Jamaican Mama”, which has rum, cognac, orange juice, lime juice, grenadine, with aromatic bitters and cinnamon for extra flavor. I also can’t wait to try out different meals such as citrus glazed salmon, grilled corn salad, tomato & tomatillo soup, and lamb loins with a side of sweet potato mash. YUUUUMMMM! If you’re looking for some quick, yet flavorful meals… go out and buy The Full Plate now!
Being stuck is played out. Nowadays there are too many different avenues and opportunities, and too few excuses as to why you should be stuck in your comfort zone. This doesn’t mean you should go out and go viral or start a singing career, but it does mean that if you don’t like certain aspects of your life there’s nothing stopping you from changing it. I know some people are perfectly fine not ever taking a leap of faith in life, but honestly how else are you supposed to grow? If you’ve always wanted to lose weight, dye your hair some crazy color, or even move to another part of the world… stop being comfortable and get uncomfortable. Instead of sitting and wondering what your life COULD be like, go out and try it out!
I’m sure many people can relate when I say the town I grew up in is NOT where I wanted to spend the rest of my life. It was a beautiful neighborhood, but the people made it feel like it might as well just be another shit hole. Despite their entitled attitudes, the level of comfort with their mundane lives never sat right with me. I can’t imagine knowing exactly how my life is going to play out from the moment I could speak. Most of their lives are all planned out by the time they are 10 years old. They’re going to attend private school, get into a great college, work for their parents company, and marry someone they’ve known their entire life. They end up growing up in the same town that their great great grandparents lived in, wanting nothing more but to spend their trust fund money. How fucking boring?! I could never imagine going through my entire life without any sort of struggles, yeah some days it sucks but it builds character. Which is why most of them are more boring than a mayonnaise sandwich.
When my family and I moved out here after I graduated high school, I couldn’t have been more excited to reinvent myself. I felt like Madonna in the 80’s, and the 90’s, and the 2000’s, and th- … okay I think you get the point here! I always knew I wanted to move to California, but I figured the only way it would happen was if I got a job opportunity out here. So when the opportunity arose, I accepted it and figured the rest out later. Once I made this decision, a sense of relief immediately came over my body. I would never have to wear a forced dress code again, and I would never have to worry what those people thought of me either because I was moving across the goddamn country! I was set to go to the University of Delaware in the fall of 2013, but I took a leap of faith and decided to stay with my family in California instead. Luckily it all turned out well. But if I wouldn’t have stepped out of my comfort zone, I never would have found out either.
I have grown so much since then too. I still have a lot to learn and many milestones to cover, but I love who I have become! My Birth of Venus tattoo actually symbolizes this, because it was as if I was reborn into a whole new woman. I feel like once I took a chance on myself and did what made me happy and not what everyone told me would make me happy, I started to figure out who I really was. If I would have stayed in my home town, I’d have no choice but to follow a path similar to those around me. Because where I grew up, there weren’t many opportunities to truly do what I wanted to do with my life. And truthfully, I would’ve been miserable. I’m sure I would have yearned for a different life and thinking what “could have been”. Who the fuck wants to live like that?
Even when starting this blog, I used to think that nobody wanted to hear what I had to say, nor did they care. Turns out, I was wrong! I’m pretty cynical when it comes to social media and people posting their opinions, because most of the opinions I see are pretty useless. I’m sure there’s someone out there that thinks that about my posts, but I don’t give a shit. Because it makes me feel good, as well as many others! But once again, if I would have sat around everyday thinking about it rather than doing it, I never would have known. Though it could be scary to try new things, especially if they’re a bit drastic, I promise you you’ll be happier once you finally step outsize of that cozy little space you call your comfort zone.
People today are extremely selfish. I feel as though society has forgotten about morals and the golden rule “treat others how you want to be treated”. The world we live in today, encourages people to only think about themselves. It’s always “me” first, then “you” later… or sometimes never. It’s never going to change if people aren’t corrected on it either. The ironic part, is that the most selfish people think that THEY are the victims! Whereas selfless people, like myself, are the ones who are truly suffering. Dealing with selfish people can be draining, especially when you communicate this with them, and they play the victim card… once again making the issue about them. I don’t know if it’s a generational characteristic, or somewhat of a survival mode tactic. But people need to realize when they’re being selFISH rather than selfLESS.
I’ve had plenty of friends and family come in and out of my life. One thing about me, I do NOT fuck with selfish people. I have no tolerance for it. If I notice these characteristics in a person, I will almost immediately call them out. And if they don’t like what they hear… that’s too bad. There is too much bullshit going on in the world to have to deal with someone ELSE’S problem. Especially if it’s someone who doesn’t add much value to my life.
For instance, I was friends with a girl who would constantly use her anxiety as a crutch. Now, I deal with issues of anxiety and bouts of depression myself so I will never discredit what someone else is going through. However it’s somewhat negligent and distasteful to constantly use anxiety to excuse your bad behavior. This girl would get wasted at gatherings and act like an asshole every time. Then when I would tell her about how she embarrassed herself the next day, she would blame it on her anxiety. Let’s break this down… if someone’s anxiety meds are truly the source of the issue (and they realize this), they should take the proper precautions to avoid these side effects. I don’t take medicine myself, but if running around screaming and acting like a cat is a side effect of mixing anxiety medications and ONE sip of a Mike’s Hard Lemonade, you probably shouldn’t be drinking at all. This same girl would constantly drain the energy from the room, when the attention wasn’t on her. If the group was talking about a music group or a situation that she couldn’t relate to, she would sit there, fold her arms, and sigh until somebody paid attention. Nevertheless, I was still always there for her when she needed me, because I’m often willing to look past people’s flaws.
When she started her new position at work, I would always go to her desk to check how things were going. Our hours were pretty different, so being a good friend, I would always go visit her for about an hour because I knew she was struggling. I don’t know shit about editing, but if she wasn’t understanding I would even try to understand it myself, to see if I could help in anyway. However… once I started MY position, I didn’t get that same energy. I was completely inundated with work and information. Though I do have a general knowledge of how TV and entertainment works, coming from the receptionist desk and going to work as a development coordinator is no easy feat. There was a week that I was training a new guy and still trying to catch up on work and learn things myself. I also had the worst breakout in my entire life, while skin might be something trivial, it’s something I’ve been struggling with for decades now. So I was really having a pretty shitty week and wasn’t really in the mood to discuss the minor issues she had going on, causing me not to answer every text of hers. We ended up going to the same party that weekend, and before I could even get settled, she runs up to me to ask if I was mad at her. I explained to her that I wasn’t mad at all, I just had a hard week and needed some space. Throughout the evening, she did her sighs and pouts. So I got up and began to mingle with the other people at the party because I needed to have fun after a fucking dumpster fire of a week. A few days later, I found out that she went around telling people at the party that I was mad at her… when I ALREADY told her I wasn’t! I was furious, and a few days later I expressed how frustrated I was and how unfair I felt this friendship had become. Of course she played the victim, a few months later I had even attempted to reach out again. We had the same friends so it would’ve made everyones lives easier. But alas. People who are selfish are never able to realize their actions are harmful to others.
Sure we can all be a bit selfish, nobody is running around here like the fucking Von Trapp family. But when it comes to the point that you are losing people around you and draining people’s energy, you need to reflect on what caused people to do so. I was told recently that I have a “wall” up. But the reason I have said wall up, is because I gave that person too many chances to change their behavior, only for them to keep doing the same things over and over again. I realize I can’t necessarily change these people, but I can remove them from my life. Sometimes I do find myself isolated, because selfishness is so rampant among people. But I’d much rather have a small group of likeminded friends, than a bunch of draining energy sucking people around me.