on our grind, from 9-5!
I need to shout out my gal pals real quick because we are having a moment!!!! 2020 was a tough year, but it wasn’t ALL bad. It sucked having my new job be put on hold for SO long, but for some reason in the back of my mind I always knew it would work out. I guess it’s just that Sagittarius optimism! I also am glad I chose to revamp this blog Elite Urbanite to what it is today.
Initially, the main focus of Elite Urbanite was for me to go to exclusive events and restaurants around LA. But since all things of that nature are a bit unsafe for the time being, it has become more so about me and who I am. Which I’m actually happy about! I had been afraid to openly say what I have been going through for 26 years of my life, because for so long I was made to feel as though I was “crazy”. Of course, when things like festivals and award shows are safe to attend again I will be the first one in line, but I’m enjoying exploring myself and sharing who I really am deep down inside with friends and strangers alike!
I am the type of person who is very focused on my future. From as far back as I can remember, my mom has always asked us what we wanted to be when we “grew up”. I always knew I wanted to be involved in pop culture and entertainment in some sort of way, but never in a way that would compromise my identity. Hence, the reason I left my previous job. I’m all for hustling and being on my grind, but not to the point that it sacrifices my mental health and well being. So I went off of a whim and asked my friend if he knew anyone that was hiring. I sent in my resume and was called in that following day for an interview. There’s an old saying in the “biz” that it’s all about who you know. Yes my friend helped me get this interview, but I didn’t know these people personally like I did at my previous workplace. So needless to say I was pretty nervous, especially after I was brought in to interview three different times!!!! *cries in fetal position* but hey, they must’ve liked me because I got the job! Then covid hit and I was worried that something I was so excited about would be ripped out of my hands just as soon as I got a hold of it. Well, as I said before, they must’ve liked me because they have been waiting for me to join the team for nearly a year. I’m truly so grateful and I know working for them is going to be such a great change of pace!
My female friends are also f’n killin’ it! It’s always important to me who I keep in my “circle” some may call me picky, but I like to call it “careful”. Honestly this is a very small city, everyone knows one another and most people know everything about you before even meeting you! So in a place where reputation is so important, I like to keep mine squeaky clean. It’s taken me a bit of time to find some good friends out here. But honestly when you’re looking for quality over quantity, that’s bound to happen. I’m so proud to say that I have friends that either just finished, or attending grad school. Friends that are studying for the bar, one that even just passed it and is officially a lawyer. I even have friends who are absolute crushing it in the production field and working on some of the hottest and upcoming shows.
Even when it comes to relationships, my girls know their worth. They have no problem being blunt about how they expect to be treated. And I admire that so much. I have friends that are starting new relationships or furthering their current ones by getting engaged. Some, like myself are choosing to stay single and focus on ourselves until that person enters our lives.
That brings me to a recent friendship breakup I had. Honestly the friendship had been over for longer than she knew. We met in 2016, but by 2019 I had already been tired of going to clubs. While fun at times, I wanted to feel like more than just a hot piece of meat on a Saturday night in a sticky bar. Every single time we would go out, it was mass chaos and a lack of organization. It’s pretty frustrating to get a $80-100 (roundtrip) Uber to Santa Monica from Calabasas and back only to spend 30 minutes in a bar because she couldn’t get the plans together.
Like… that behavior is acceptable when we’re in college or our early twenties, but at 25-26 girl I have a job to go to and errands to take care of. You know, adult shit. Not only that, but the stress from my job put me in a place where the last place I wanted to be was on a long a* line for a stupid a* club with stupid a* men who only wanted me for the night. I eventually expressed this to said friend and said I would be glad to do more low key things like game nights, hikes, or farmers markets… never happened. I can’t seem to grasp why people cannot understand just how taxing my job was. I don’t like to put other peoples jobs down, but unfortunately I can’t have much sympathy for someone who has only worked part time jobs at her big age expecting me to make plans when I was working quite literally 24/7. I would be answering emails as I was brushing my teeth and driving into work, and doing the same as I was heading home. There were some days where I’d be in the midst of happy hour and would have to pause everything to answer an email. Even on Saturday mornings I would get emails from people who weren’t even my bosses! Now I know this comes with the territory, but going through that from week to week, there’s no way in f*ng h* I would want to go to the club. I want to SLEEP.
So when I started to realize that this person only saw me as a plus one to the club, I also realized that this friendship was over. Fast forward to 2020, as I mentioned before, me and my girls have been on our s* …OKAY! This particular friend mentioned she was going to apply to grad school, and to that I said that’s awesome! And her response was that we were finally becoming adults. We…? WE?! Now… just because I don’t post about my life 24/7 doesn’t mean I’m not grinding. I move in silence baby. Turns out, just like everything else in her life, that idea of grad school was just a figment of her delusions and when I would ask, she would make up some excuse as to why she hadn’t applied yet. I get grad school isn’t for everyone, I’m not going to grad school anytime soon. I hate school. But like… don’t just throw ideas out in the abyss.
I also found it a bit insensitive of her to not fully listen to my struggles and what I asked of her as a “friend”. Which really wasn’t much. Especially after I did SO much. I have a good friend who from the beginning has always said she doesn’t like partying, knowing that, I never forced her to go to any parties in college because I would never want her to be outside of her comfort zone. But we would do other things like go to coffee shops instead. The word “friendship” doesn’t automatically mean someone is obligated to do what you say. Sure I had fun going out to the bars (when we would ACTUALLY get in), but there’s really so much more to life than that. In my late twenties, my mindset is so different than it was in my early twenties, and hers hasn’t changed. The best friendships are the type that grow as you continue to grow as people.
Fast forward to last month, after coming down off of her cloud of delusion she finally realized I had unfollowed her on social media. Cause honestly I was a bit tired of her posting nonsensical TikToks and spreading eagle on her “influencer” page. She messaged me asking why I had done so (months ago) and I explained to her that I no longer felt this friendship was what it used to be. Long story short, she was more upset about the friendship ending rather than taking accountability for her incapability of being a good friend (a pattern I had actually observed for years). I assume she thought she would get some sort of apology out of me, but I was polite, kept the conversation short and dry, and said that I no longer wished to be friends (even though she tried to claim the idea as her own). She said she didn’t want people on her “team” that weren’t for her. I’m not really sure what and how I would need to be for someone who doesn’t even know what they want for themselves in life. Plus, I don’t wish to be part of the B-team anyway. We parted ways and that was that. Then a WEEK later, I get another text from this same girl bringing up the conversation again. Ok now girl, I was very mature and kind the first time… but now you done woke up the beast! Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I basically told her that I’m not reading that long a* paragraph she had sent because this conversation and friendship were BOTH over. Girl use that extra time you have to think so ~deeply~ to take a look inward and see how you can improve YOUR life rather than projecting on others. This B even tried to tell me I should work on some therapy and coping mechanisms and gave me a podcast to listen to… now girl bye. The one who needs therapy is the person who sends pictures of used condoms and monistat and/or vagisil boxes on snapchat. Or the one f*n dudes on a mattress on the ground because he can’t afford a bed frame.
As you can see, this friendship was bound to end. And I’m totally fine with it. It was something I began to dread more than enjoy. I have so much that I want to do in different aspects of my life, and I’m so glad I finally found a likeminded crew of boss ladies with similar goals and morals.