HOW TO BE A BOSS
From a young age, my mother would always encourage me to speak and walk with confidence. This was always something she had been adamant because her mother did the same for her, as did her mother before that. So naturally this is a characteristic that has been instilled in me for quite some time. They all taught me that I should have no fear when it comes to speaking up for things I both agree and disagree with.
That being said, I’ve met a lot of bitches that think they’re bosses, and I’ve had a few bosses who were just bitches, but it takes a certain type of person to be a BOSS BITCH. Okurrrrr! As far back as I can remember, I’ve never had a problem voicing my opinion, even if it would get me in trouble at times. For instance, I recall my teacher addressing the class about the usage of the good ol “N” word in Huckleberry Finn. Looking back, I’m not even sure why this was up for discussion, but he asked if anyone was uncomfortable using “the word”. Of course none of my classmates had an issue with it, but best believe I did! So I let him know, and guess what? Nobody said it. End of discussion. My mom always told me that if somebody did or said something that I didn’t like, I better let them know. Now just to be clear, I wasn’t going around berating people, I only spoke up for myself in situations that pertained to me. Funny enough, my nickname has been “Cookie” (short for “Tough Cookie”) for as long as I can remember. This was simply because just never had time for people’s nonsense. But once I reached middle school, suddenly everyone had time for the nonsense. Whenever there would be drama or gossip involving my name, I’d confront the issue head on, just as I was taught. But I soon learned that some people are put off by people’s confidence, especially when it comes to women. For years I had learned to pride myself on my upfront and mature way of dealing with things, but others continued to tear me down because of it.
Of course, High School is even worse. I was never the type to start any drama, but somehow my name would be in the middle of stories I had never even been a part of. All of this spurred from the insecurity of others. When you reach this age, the goal of many girls is to make other girls feel “less than”. They eventually succeeded in their goal and destroyed any confidence I had left. To make matters even worse, I began to reach the age where I could start dating. Already lacking confidence from the constant and petty High School Drama, my confidence was misread as aggression by any boys I was interested in.
Even now at twenty-five years of age I still have issues with this. For some reason plenty of girls still think its cute to have cliques and be little mean girls. I mean damn, don’t you have priorities to focus on? Like a job? Career? Your own life? I don’t know these are just humble suggestions. We all struggle with insecurities, but I can’t imagine being a grown ass woman and being worried about what another grown ass woman is doing. When I started working, it was like the flood gates opened. I’m a hard worker, but I don’t have a stick up my ass. It’s called ~balance~ But a lot of people see me as a threat. It’s hard for me to look outside of myself and see what it is that threatens people, because I have been like this all of my life. I used to try to understand why people didn’t like me and what it was that I could do to change it, because I just wanted friends. But at this point in my life I have learned how to love myself and not give a single fuck what people think. However the more I do this, the smaller I see my circle get, and that’s OK. I rather have a small circle of real friends rather than a clique of fake ones.
At my previous job, I felt like I went in a time machine back to high school. For some reason people cared more about having friends and being liked than their own jobs. Weird, because I thought we were all there to get paid… This one girl in particular had so many issues with me when I was nothing but nice to her. Once I made it clear that I, did not fuck with this chick, THENNNN she wanted to play victim and act like I was always so mean to her. When in fact I wasn’t worried about her. One time I was going to get drinks with some co-workers, one in particular worked in her department. As he got up to leave, she kept pestering him on where he was going and why she wasn’t invited. Like what?! Cause you and are not friends, there’s no beef (at the time at least there wasn’t), but just because you’re friends with this person doesn’t automatically mean you need to be included in everything they’re in. He ain’t yo man sis! Another co-worker of mine witnessed the whole thing. She was stunned, and immediately texted me. Because I heard about little things like this she would do or say behind my back, I chose not to invite her to a Halloween party of mine. Again no beef, we just clearly aren’t friends. We do however have mutual friends, and because her and her crew of mean girls are still stuck in high school they made people chose between hanging out with her and attending certain events, or hanging out with me. Needless to say nobody came to my party. However my close friends did, which is all I needed. Girls like this think they’re making boss decisions, but they’re actually just living a life of a miserable bitch.
The same goes for a few female bosses I’ve had. Women in leadership positions often get a bad rep. Men like to accuse women of thinking irrationally and emotionally when it comes to making important decisions. Unfortunately I have in fact had a few bosses that embody this stereotype. For some reason, when some women are put in positions of power they like to completely abuse it for their own benefit. One boss in particular owned a few locations of a popular massage therapy chain. She would never come into the location that I worked at, and would expect way too much from people. She was always pretty smug, and would never solve the customers issues or listen to their complaints. Which is like literally the job of a business owner. The place was always falling apart and running out of supplies, but some how that was never her problem. She was too cheap to buy things like a new washer and dryer, which would of course interfere with the flow of business. Once I left, I found out later that this woman was pocketing money! Even more recently I had two female bosses who I thought were people to look up to, until I actually started working for them. In order to be a leader, you need to be able to teach and properly delegate tasks without confusion. They had actually chosen me to be their new assistant, I was thrilled and expected to learn from the best. However I was pretty much just thrown to the fucking wolves. I had two weeks of training during the slowest time of the year, and after that I was expected to just know how to do things without previously being taught. Before working as an executive coordinator, I had been a receptionist at a few different places. So after a while that became second nature, this however was completely foreign. It was to the point that I felt as though if I asked questions, I would just be called stupid. I would always ask what I could do to help and if I could learn new things, but because their perception of me was that I was incapable they would just overwhelm themselves and blame ME for THEM being overwhelmed.
I tried to understand it from their perspective but I truly can’t. I get their two previous assistants had much more experience, but this is something they knew from the beginning. Also, the company was in a much better place than it was when I was working for them, so things were definitely a bit more comfortable. Whereas shit had hit the fan by time I got to the desk. So knowing this and knowing ME for my whole life, you’d think they’d take time to teach me and want to see me grow. But unfortunately I realized that people like this like to hinder others rather than accept their faults. Oddly enough, all the things they said I wasn’t capable of doing, I’m excelling at now and figured out on my own. I could guarantee whoever they find to replace me would not have an OUNCE of the charisma and talent I have shown through this very blog. I also heard more about the way they treated other people around the company which really turned me off. Going around and screaming at people who are actually trying to protect the company, or refusing to go on trips and meetings is childish, and NOT boss bitch behavior. Having conversations that eventually come to a compromise and making appropriate sacrifices is how you become a boss bitch. Not doing the work for everyone or covering for people who should be doing their job, or even coming for people who are actually doing their fucking job. Women like this like to rule with fear, rather than confidence.
I tried to be respectful and take it all in as a learning experience, but the only thing I’ve learned is how NOT to run a business. After trying to express my needs several times and rather than be heard I was told to “put my big girl panties on” I knew I just needed to get the fuck out of there… so I did! Also unrelated but the word “panties” makes me desert dry every single time. Gross. Though my new job is currently on hold because the world is a hot ass burnt pastry puff of a mess, I’m excited to work somewhere that my voice can be heard and where I can actually be successful and where I won’t be working for women on a power trip, but people who want to actually make good television.
I always find myself between a rock and a hard place. I will never settle for something I’m uncomfortable with nor will I dim my light to make someone else’s light brighter, but it’s frustrating that my confidence is always seen as an issue. I know in terms of my career and the field I’m in, this is the way I’m supposed to be. Confident and charismatic. Because if I were to be some weak minded woman, I would constantly get stepped on. But there’s also a fine line. Going around and taking over everything and being rude is also pretty weak minded to me, because what does that really solve? If you’re not able to teach and delegate what are you really doing with your status? Its exhausting, but I still have faith things will be okay. I am proud to come from a line of independent boss bitches who worked hard and stayed true to themselves. Though I may lose “friends” or scare some guys off, I know in my heart that at the end of the day if I continue to speak my truth whatever blessings are for me will come my way.