I know… I know… working out is probably the last thing you want to hear about. But with the holidays coming up, AND coronavirus still going on, it’s important to not pack on too many pounds. Regardless of losing weight (that’s truly up to you and your preference, nobody’s here to judge ya!) working out is always a good mood booster!
When I workout, I love to feel like I’m at a party. Check out my workout playlist below!
IT’S ALMOST THAT TIME!!! I have ALWAYS loved Halloween. I’m not even that big of a candy person, I love it purely for the campy-ness and fun nature of the holiday. I must say, I certainly did not think I would still be inside for Halloween, but here we are. Nevertheless, it’s important to make the best of it.
I will be having my family over to celebrate the best day of the year. I’m going to make some sweet treats and have my movie marathon prepared, my personal choice is “The Shining”. However, we can’t have a party without good music! So I’ve curated my own little ~spooky~ playlist to enhance the festivities, check it out below!
I’ll never forget when I was in the 3rd or 4th grade, I was playing Power Puff Girls at a friends house and we were choosing which one we wanted to be. I always loved Buttercup, because she was a badass, so I said “I call being Buttercup”… then before I finished my last breath, she said “Well you can’t be buttercup” and when I asked “Why not?” she said “You can’t be her because you’re black.” So for a while I always had a bit of a complex when it came to dressing as “white” characters. The truth of the matter is that I could dress as whoever the fuck I wanted to, but the older I got I always tried to make sure my costumes represented black women in some way. Though Princess Jasmine isn’t necessarily black, every black girl was inspired to see a Disney princess of color after decades! I was thrilled to finally dress as her last Halloween. Though I’ll be keeping it simple by just wearing a witches outfit this year, take a look below at some black girl magic halloween costumes to try out!
It’s 2020 and we’re still fucking concerned about skin tones. With George Floyd’s death there was such an outpour of emotions and sympathy towards the black community. Unsurprisingly just a few short months later, we’re back to where we were. Actually more like one step forward, a million steps back. Of course we’ve seen plenty of issues with police brutality, even with the help of internet awareness we are able to expose the atrocities going on in different African countries as well. But for some reason, retailers and even the black men and women within our own community are still focused on the matter of dark vs. light. Like what the fuck? Are y’all living in the same world that I am…. because we have much bigger fish to fry babes.
Yes, I know colorism is an issue in many different cultures around the world. But that NEVER makes it okay. It makes it worse honestly. But I as a black woman, can only speak on what I’ve seen within my own culture, rather than attempt to speak on what someone in the Brazilian or Indian culture might experience. Those who benefit from it use it to get ahead and pursue all sorts of opportunities. These people are able to “pass” as ethnically ambiguous, or even a completely different race. I knew two girls from my high school who were half Latina. From the outside, they just looked like your average white girl. Which of course made it easy for them to assimilate with the preppy white culture we grew up around. What bugged me, was that they only used their ethnicity when it was convenient. For all intents and purposes, they referred to themselves as white girls, dressed, and acted the part as well. But when it came to college applications and things of that nature… THEN suddenly they were Latina. I mean come on. Not only is that problematic for the obvious reasons, but completely denouncing one half of your gene pool just to fit in is sad. I know part of it necessarily isn’t even their fault, that’s the way this society unfortunately is built. However, that doesn’t mean you have to sit around and comply with the cards society has dealt you. On the flip side those who DON’T benefit from “passing” are constantly held back and deterred from opportunities just because someone took a mere glance at them and made up their mind of what type of person they are.
I see these issues most prevalent in matters of beauty, employment, and dating. In my own culture I constantly see mixed race women or light skinned women being praised over brown or darker skinned women. In movies and tv shows it’s always a crew of light skinned women, or the token black friend has straight hair and light eyes. Clothing brands will constantly use women with straight hair or more Caucasian features. Make up brands don’t even make shades past a certain tone! I mean how ridiculous is that. Because all of the uber corporate beauty brands never even bothered to think about dark skinned women, they had to make due with whatever make up there was available, even if it was 5 shades too light! Thank goodness for Rihanna and Fenty Beauty for bringing this to light, because who knows how long it would’ve taken for them to realize. Though we have seen many more brown skinned leading women, they are often met with comments like “she’s so brave!” or “she’s so beautiful!” So just because she has more melanin than the girl next to her she’s brave? Or just because she’s darker than the girls we typically see in movies means she should be treated like some exotic being? Cut me a fucking break. The sad part is that many of these women end up being fetishized for having darker skin, and are STILL left out of the conversation when it comes to beauty standards.
Over the past few years we’ve seen so many “African American Studies” teachers be ousted for being white. Like, I’m constantly baffled on how the fuck that even happens! If there were more black people in the room when these people were hired, we wouldn’t find this happening as much. I always think about all the brown and dark skinned teachers who applied for the job and were overlooked. The very obviously BLACK women who were overlooked for a position that ended up being given to an imposter. Clearly these interviewers assumed that these were light skinned women that were just the “right amount of black”. See what happens when you comply with colorism?… You end up looking foolish! Even crazy ass Rachel Dolezal was the CHAPTER PRESIDENT of the NAACP. This woman called herself Nkechi Amare Diallo! But because her chapter was located in Spokane, Washington (a very white area) she was just the “right amount of black”. Side bar I’ve been laughing at this fucking picture of Rachel Dolezal and her braids for 30 minutes now. I caaaaan’t. Whew.
Even when it comes to dating, black men are always talking down on darker skinned black women. They’d much rather date someone who is light skinned to the point where you can’t even tell they’re black, or someone that is ethnically ambiguous or ~exotic~ YAWN. Don’t even get me started on the fragile black male ego though, that’s a whole other post. Everyday I see somebody’s dusty ass son talking about how “unattractive” darker skinned women are. I see so many Tiktok’s about black guys preferring white women who want to be black like Kylie Jenner. I get everyone has a preference, but you don’t need to bash people in the process. I am a light skinned black woman so even I benefit from colorism at times, but I’m not a fucking weirdo and would never pretend I’m other than black to appease someone else and “fit in”. I always hear lighter black women saying “they’ve got Native American in their family”, turns out I actually do. However, I am black. At this point the connections to those genes are so watered down that it wouldn’t even make sense to claim them. Everyone in my family, besides my dad (who’s side has those Native genes) and myself are dark skinned. All of my black friends are browb/dark skinned. So I can clearly see the difference in treatment and its fucked up. When an employer looks at me, they think I might be mixed and for some sick reason that equates to being “better”. Now I, of course am a pretty smart cookie, but I have seen plenty of other women who look just like me, or are even lighter get access opportunities they don’t deserve. Though society sucks and will continue to suck for a while, the only way to combat this is to keep calling it out. If you sit by and accept the benefits rather than speak out for those in your community who are being overlooked, things will continue to be misaligned.
Anytime I meet new friends, co-workers, or even when I go on dates, the common ice breaker is “what is your favorite movie?” For years I didn’t know what the answer was, because honestly there are so many movies that I haven’t seen. No particular reason other than the fact that I have the attention span of a baby squirrel, therefore I CANNOT sit through some of these nearly 3 hour movies. Now at the ripe age of 25 I finally have a (very short) list of my favorite movies. These movies are ones I can, and have, watched over and over again. The common theme with these movies, despite the difference in their subject matter is positivity. I love movies that either encompass some sort of lesson, or are just down right silly! I’ve probably seen some of these dozens of times because I know they’ll cheer me up if I’m in a shitty mood.
I was gonna give y’all a top 5, but fuck it… let’s make it even and go with 6! Check out my list below and watch my favorite scene from each film!
🎥 🍿 🎞
KILL BILL VOL. 1
Kill Bill Vol. 1(2003) – My dad was the one who actually suggested I watched this movie. As a kid, I would always sit and watch all of the Old Bruce Lee films with him on repeat. So obviously he knew that I would love Kill Bill. I was pretty much speechless the first time I watched this movie. I LOVE how badass and understandably vengeful Beatrix Kiddo was. I mean if a group of your trusted allies tried to kill you, put you in a coma that almost killed your baby, and then lived to tell the tale…. wouldn’t you want to seek revenge on those motherfuckers too?! Despite the fight scenes and occasional gore, her “never give up” attitude has always stuck with me. This is where Kobe Bryant actually got his nickname “The Black Mamba” from! Though this is my top choice, it wasn’t hard to pick a favorite scene. Beatrix or “The Bride” let’s all her badassery out on The Crazy 88’s AND Gogo, proving to O-Ren Ishii she is NOT the one to be played with!
WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS
What We Do In the Shadows (2015) – This one was another family suggestion, this time from my silly brother! I was a little apprehensive at first because most of the time vampire movies are a little corny. However this Aussie Vampire mockumentary is one of the silliest movies I’ve ever seen. Honestly I was cracking up just trying to find a clip to include in this list. The humor is definitely for a very specific and quirky audience, and it is right up my alley. Often times we see vampire’s portrayed as brooding and mysterious, but this group of vamps are quite the opposite. The clip below is the perfect example, Vampire Style!
Blazing Saddles (1974) – Now this particular movie has gotten a lot of backlash with the world coming increasingly more progressive by the minute. I get that people like to go back and call out how certain themes in old movies were problematic, but the difference with this movie is, that is the EXACT reason why it was made! Mel Brooks made this film to spoof Western films (and actually most films during the time this one was made) and their blatant racism. Because I know that this is clearly a spoof and not meant to offend anyone, I’m able to watch this anytime I need a good laugh and a dose of reality. My favorite scene in particular is when Madeline Kahn’s character Lili Von Shtupp does a very lackadaisical performance describing how tired she is of, ahem “dating” countless men, it’s pure comedic genius.
WILLY WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory(1971) – This is one of these movies that I can say I’ve seen way more than 20 times in my life, it always puts me in a good mood! It’s a feel good story with a lesson that still applies to adulthood, cheating and having a terrible attitude will get you nowhere in life… it may even get you trapped in a chocolate factory! Besides the heartwarming plot, I was always so blown away with Gene Wilder’s whimsical portrayal of the candy magnate. As a kid, the clip below used to scare the shit out of me… now, I love it!!! It shows just how extremely outlandish and wildly unpredictable Mr. Wonka was! (Honestly those bad ass kids deserved a good fright.)
Beetlejuice(1988) – Another whimsical classic! My favorite holiday is Halloween, so of course this my go-to movie during spooky season. However the problem is, that I love this movie so much I just end up watching it over and over again and never get to the other ones on my list! I’m a big fan of Tim Burton and his extreme attention to detail. Also, I was introduced to the lovely music of Harry Belafonte because of this very scene. Though I love Halloween, I’m not huge on horror films, I’m a bit of a chicken. Luckily, this movie is the perfect amount of dark and quirky, which actually happen to be two words I use to describe myself.
THE WIZARD OF OZ
The Wizard of Oz(1939) – I’m a bit of a dreamer so this movie has always resonated with me. I constantly think of what life would be like if I woke up in a completely different world filled with such vibrancy, color, and kindness! Of course, I’ve gotten older so my interests have changed in some ways (i.e. Kill Bill), but this movie will and always has made me teary eyed every time I’ve watched it (which is possibly over 100 times). Though there have been countless remakes and spin offs, nothing will compare to the original. It has a 98% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, a nearly perfect score that I couldn’t agree with more. This very scene shows how ahead of their time they were!
From a young age, my mother would always encourage me to speak and walk with confidence. This was always something she had been adamant because her mother did the same for her, as did her mother before that. So naturally this is a characteristic that has been instilled in me for quite some time. They all taught me that I should have no fear when it comes to speaking up for things I both agree and disagree with.
That being said, I’ve met a lot of bitches that think they’re bosses, and I’ve had a few bosses who were just bitches, but it takes a certain type of person to be a BOSS BITCH. Okurrrrr! As far back as I can remember, I’ve never had a problem voicing my opinion, even if it would get me in trouble at times. For instance, I recall my teacher addressing the class about the usage of the good ol “N” word in Huckleberry Finn. Looking back, I’m not even sure why this was up for discussion, but he asked if anyone was uncomfortable using “the word”. Of course none of my classmates had an issue with it, but best believe I did! So I let him know, and guess what? Nobody said it. End of discussion. My mom always told me that if somebody did or said something that I didn’t like, I better let them know. Now just to be clear, I wasn’t going around berating people, I only spoke up for myself in situations that pertained to me. Funny enough, my nickname has been “Cookie” (short for “Tough Cookie”) for as long as I can remember. This was simply because just never had time for people’s nonsense. But once I reached middle school, suddenly everyone had time for the nonsense. Whenever there would be drama or gossip involving my name, I’d confront the issue head on, just as I was taught. But I soon learned that some people are put off by people’s confidence, especially when it comes to women. For years I had learned to pride myself on my upfront and mature way of dealing with things, but others continued to tear me down because of it.
Of course, High School is even worse. I was never the type to start any drama, but somehow my name would be in the middle of stories I had never even been a part of. All of this spurred from the insecurity of others. When you reach this age, the goal of many girls is to make other girls feel “less than”. They eventually succeeded in their goal and destroyed any confidence I had left. To make matters even worse, I began to reach the age where I could start dating. Already lacking confidence from the constant and petty High School Drama, my confidence was misread as aggression by any boys I was interested in.
Even now at twenty-five years of age I still have issues with this. For some reason plenty of girls still think its cute to have cliques and be little mean girls. I mean damn, don’t you have priorities to focus on? Like a job? Career? Your own life? I don’t know these are just humble suggestions. We all struggle with insecurities, but I can’t imagine being a grown ass woman and being worried about what another grown ass woman is doing. When I started working, it was like the flood gates opened. I’m a hard worker, but I don’t have a stick up my ass. It’s called ~balance~ But a lot of people see me as a threat. It’s hard for me to look outside of myself and see what it is that threatens people, because I have been like this all of my life. I used to try to understand why people didn’t like me and what it was that I could do to change it, because I just wanted friends. But at this point in my life I have learned how to love myself and not give a single fuck what people think. However the more I do this, the smaller I see my circle get, and that’s OK. I rather have a small circle of real friends rather than a clique of fake ones.
At my previous job, I felt like I went in a time machine back to high school. For some reason people cared more about having friends and being liked than their own jobs. Weird, because I thought we were all there to get paid… This one girl in particular had so many issues with me when I was nothing but nice to her. Once I made it clear that I, did not fuck with this chick, THENNNN she wanted to play victim and act like I was always so mean to her. When in fact I wasn’t worried about her. One time I was going to get drinks with some co-workers, one in particular worked in her department. As he got up to leave, she kept pestering him on where he was going and why she wasn’t invited. Like what?! Cause you and are not friends, there’s no beef (at the time at least there wasn’t), but just because you’re friends with this person doesn’t automatically mean you need to be included in everything they’re in. He ain’t yo man sis! Another co-worker of mine witnessed the whole thing. She was stunned, and immediately texted me. Because I heard about little things like this she would do or say behind my back, I chose not to invite her to a Halloween party of mine. Again no beef, we just clearly aren’t friends. We do however have mutual friends, and because her and her crew of mean girls are still stuck in high school they made people chose between hanging out with her and attending certain events, or hanging out with me. Needless to say nobody came to my party. However my close friends did, which is all I needed. Girls like this think they’re making boss decisions, but they’re actually just living a life of a miserable bitch.
The same goes for a few female bosses I’ve had. Women in leadership positions often get a bad rep. Men like to accuse women of thinking irrationally and emotionally when it comes to making important decisions. Unfortunately I have in fact had a few bosses that embody this stereotype. For some reason, when some women are put in positions of power they like to completely abuse it for their own benefit. One boss in particular owned a few locations of a popular massage therapy chain. She would never come into the location that I worked at, and would expect way too much from people. She was always pretty smug, and would never solve the customers issues or listen to their complaints. Which is like literally the job of a business owner. The place was always falling apart and running out of supplies, but some how that was never her problem. She was too cheap to buy things like a new washer and dryer, which would of course interfere with the flow of business. Once I left, I found out later that this woman was pocketing money! Even more recently I had two female bosses who I thought were people to look up to, until I actually started working for them. In order to be a leader, you need to be able to teach and properly delegate tasks without confusion. They had actually chosen me to be their new assistant, I was thrilled and expected to learn from the best. However I was pretty much just thrown to the fucking wolves. I had two weeks of training during the slowest time of the year, and after that I was expected to just know how to do things without previously being taught. Before working as an executive coordinator, I had been a receptionist at a few different places. So after a while that became second nature, this however was completely foreign. It was to the point that I felt as though if I asked questions, I would just be called stupid. I would always ask what I could do to help and if I could learn new things, but because their perception of me was that I was incapable they would just overwhelm themselves and blame ME for THEM being overwhelmed.
I tried to understand it from their perspective but I truly can’t. I get their two previous assistants had much more experience, but this is something they knew from the beginning. Also, the company was in a much better place than it was when I was working for them, so things were definitely a bit more comfortable. Whereas shit had hit the fan by time I got to the desk. So knowing this and knowing ME for my whole life, you’d think they’d take time to teach me and want to see me grow. But unfortunately I realized that people like this like to hinder others rather than accept their faults. Oddly enough, all the things they said I wasn’t capable of doing, I’m excelling at now and figured out on my own. I could guarantee whoever they find to replace me would not have an OUNCE of the charisma and talent I have shown through this very blog. I also heard more about the way they treated other people around the company which really turned me off. Going around and screaming at people who are actually trying to protect the company, or refusing to go on trips and meetings is childish, and NOT boss bitch behavior. Having conversations that eventually come to a compromise and making appropriate sacrifices is how you become a boss bitch. Not doing the work for everyone or covering for people who should be doing their job, or even coming for people who are actually doing their fucking job. Women like this like to rule with fear, rather than confidence.
I tried to be respectful and take it all in as a learning experience, but the only thing I’ve learned is how NOT to run a business. After trying to express my needs several times and rather than be heard I was told to “put my big girl panties on” I knew I just needed to get the fuck out of there… so I did! Also unrelated but the word “panties” makes me desert dry every single time. Gross. Though my new job is currently on hold because the world is a hot ass burnt pastry puff of a mess, I’m excited to work somewhere that my voice can be heard and where I can actually be successful and where I won’t be working for women on a power trip, but people who want to actually make good television.
I always find myself between a rock and a hard place. I will never settle for something I’m uncomfortable with nor will I dim my light to make someone else’s light brighter, but it’s frustrating that my confidence is always seen as an issue. I know in terms of my career and the field I’m in, this is the way I’m supposed to be. Confident and charismatic. Because if I were to be some weak minded woman, I would constantly get stepped on. But there’s also a fine line. Going around and taking over everything and being rude is also pretty weak minded to me, because what does that really solve? If you’re not able to teach and delegate what are you really doing with your status? Its exhausting, but I still have faith things will be okay. I am proud to come from a line of independent boss bitches who worked hard and stayed true to themselves. Though I may lose “friends” or scare some guys off, I know in my heart that at the end of the day if I continue to speak my truth whatever blessings are for me will come my way.
It’s the weekend so you know what that means! Time to treat yo’ self! Unfortunately with this lockdown, most things have been closed. Actually, just today I tried to get some Creamistry, turns out it’s still closed. Someone needs to explain these lockdown rules to me because…
Anyways, Creamistry is not just your ordinary ice cream shop. The ice cream is “made to order”, meaning you are able to pick the base, flavor, and toppings you want for your ice cream. There are over 60 options to chose from, so once you decide on what you want they make your ice cream right there in front of you! They fuse the ingredients together using liquid nitrogen which is pretty interesting, but it’s better than eating processed ice cream that has been on the shelves for months!
My personal favorite thing about Creamistry is that they have options for people who can’t have dairy! For years I had been trying to find a non-dairy ice cream that actually tasted like ice cream without all the weird ingredients, and I finally did! My favorite thing to order at Creamistry the coconut base with oreos and a waffle cone.
There are plenty of locations popping up around Los Angeles, so if you spot a Creamistry in your area pop in and give it a try!
My ultimate guilty pleasure is the 2000’s HBO smash hit Sex and The City!
Sometimes Carrie makes me roll my eyes a bit or shout at my screen, but at the end of the day I admire these four women and (not all… but MOST of) their views on men, dating, and the importance of enjoying your single life.
Miranda is my favorite overall, but I couldn’t help but wonder… who has the best style out of the group???
When getting to know someone, we find ourselves feverishly trying to read between the lines and point out red flags. Sometimes we’re too busy trying to find out what someone’s flaws are, that we ignore all of the GOOD qualities they have to offer. I like to call these GREEN flags!
The dating world is such shit these days, so I don’t really blame people for focusing on the red flags. People are crazy and don’t know how to develop long lasting relationships. I’m pretty guilty of often ignoring red flags, all because I’m hopeful that someone will change. But honestly these people DON’T want to change. They want to find someone who will change to fit their expectations, which most of the time are unrealistic. Once I remove myself from these situations I see just how toxic these mother fuckers were. For so long I’ve constantly experienced gaslighting and manipulation, when I really wasn’t asking for much out of the situation. If I can’t express my feelings without a guy getting mad, or having them blame me for the demise of a potential relationship, clearly they’re not the one. And they’re probably just a straight up asshole to everyone around them, mainly because nobody has called them out on their shit and told them to grow the hell up.
That being said, once you actually DO find someone who checks off all of the proverbial boxes, you find yourself trying to figure out what’s wrong with them. Nobody is completely flawless, but after a while we do find someone that is exactly who we need. Unfortunately due to past experiences, I find myself nitpicking every conversation and second guessing my own actions in order to not screw the situation up. When in reality, one difference of opinion or interest shouldn’t be enough for someone who really is interesting in developing something further. I’m training myself to pay more attention to and highlight these green flags rather than attempt to find some sort of negative attribute about someone who is everything I’ve asked for. Everyone has different needs in a relationship, but I’ve listed the 10 most important things to me when it comes to dating (in no particular order). Check it out below!
They always say communication is key, and it really is! I consider myself to be a great communicator, so I would encourage my partner to be the same way. If I said something that hurt my partner’s feelings or did something they didn’t particularly like, I would expect them to properly communicate this to me. I’m really not easily offended, but the way a message is conveyed is important. For instance, there is a difference between saying “you never listen to me!” and “I feel like I’m not being heard”. Truthfully no one can dispute with you about how YOU feel, all they can do is try to change their behavior and improve the situation. But if you present the situation as an attack, more than likely the issue won’t be resolved. So communication very is important on both ends!
I hate a fucking liar. Even when it comes to a little white lie. If you want to spend time with your boys or time alone, just say that. I don’t need some sort of made up excuse, because that makes me feel like I can’t trust you or that you don’t trust my reaction to situations. Of course if a guy lies about something major like cheating then all bets are off, but little things like not liking a certain interest of mine aren’t necessary to lie about. I would rather someone be authentic from the beginning rather than lie to appease me. If someone likes to stay home but forces themselves to constantly go out just because their partner likes it, they’re not being authentic to themselves and it will eventually be a major flaw in the relationship.
They Hype You Up
Now, I’m not someone who needs constant compliments and validation. But it is good to feel like you have someone in your corner rooting for you. I’m super close with my family, and they constantly hype me up. But at times it feels biased because, well, they’re my family! Though they’re pretty honest with me If I do fuck something up, it’s hard for me to receive their compliments because they’ve known me for 25 years and we share the same genes. It’s awesome to be able to meet someone who at one point was a complete stranger, actually want to see you succeed and do great things in life. In the past I’ve felt as though I had to dim myself down in order to not outshine my partner, which is so pathetic on both ends. If you don’t want to see your partner succeed you don’t deserve a partner. And I’m personally embarrassed that I tried to make myself appear as less in order to make some bum feel more. Someone who is that insecure is never going to suddenly gain a drastic boost of confidence, but they certainly will feel some sort of power when they realize they’ve halted someone else’s growth. And we ain’t letting that shit slide anymore!
Difference of Opinions
People are people! There are bound to be differences of opinions, we aren’t robots so we shouldn’t try to program ourselves to be the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend. I love staying active. I workout 6 times a week, I know that lifestyle isn’t for everyone but I’m not going to write someone off if they don’t like it. If someone loves horror movies or anime, I’m not going to write them off because it’s not something I’m interested in. I feel like with everything there is some sort of compromise, not in the sense that you are compromising yourself, but you are agreeing to come to an equal decision with someone you care about. If I workout 6 times a week, and my partner isn’t that active, maybe we could find some sort of shared workout to do together that we both enjoy. If I like the apartment to be 70 degrees, and they like it to be 80, it’s pretty easy to keep it cool at a nice equal 75 degrees. Don’t get me wrong, some things are total deal breakers. For instance, if you are a trump supporter, you can lose my number immediately. We’ll never agree on that. But I feel some people like to use their unshared interests as an excuse to end things or have some sort of leverage. It’s perfectly normal to have completely different interests, it actually keeps things interesting! (Yes pun, intended).
They Don’t Make You Feel Bad for Having Feelings
I know, it’s a bit of a mouthful. But it’s true. As women we already have a fear of expressing ourselves to avoid appearing overly emotional. So when it comes to a relationship, we think to ourselves “oh god, let me not make a big deal out of this so he doesn’t think I’m emotional or even worse, crazy”. I mean how fucked up is that? Some of these have made us feel like we can’t even express completely normal emotions. I mean I guess that’s why that show Snapped exists, totally kidding! But truthfully it’s unhealthy to bottle up your emotions, just to spare yourself an argument with your partner. If you can’t come to your partner and talk about something that’s bothering you or something you’re insecure about, kick that dude to the curb. I am guilty of saying “I’m sorry I feel that…” because so many guys in the past have made me feel as though my feelings were some sort of allergic reaction to their douchey behavior. Instead get yourself a partner who says there’s no reason to be sorry for feeling a particular way, especially if the emotions are valid.
Obviously your partner should have the utmost respect for you, that’s a given. But for me, it’s also important that they are respectful to those around him. I always like to ask what a guys relationship is with their mother. That often tells me all I need to know. For instance, if they spend time with their mom, communicate with her often, and help them when needed, clearly they have a great character and have been brought up well. My brother is super close to our mom, and because of this he treats his girlfriends with respect. (Some of the ones in the past definitely didn’t deserve it, but he has since learned his lesson and found a great gal!) Also if a guy is rude to a waiter on the date, they might as well get the check right then in there. I especially hate when I’m on a date and can’t even get a word in. I went on a date with some turd who thought he was a big shot because he went to grad school, by time he shut up for 10 seconds I couldn’t even think of anything to ask, my brain was enjoying the silence. To me, that just shows me that you think you’re above certain people. That also tells me that you probably have a small dick, and are trying to compensate by being some over masculine asshole. Gross.
I am a very goal oriented and ambition driven person. Since I was about 6 years old my mom has been asking me what I wanted to do with my life. Yeah, I know I’m only 25 and should be having “fun”. But to me, being in debt and floating through life is not fun. The decisions I make now at 25 determine what my life will be like at 40. I’ll actually be 26 at the end of the year, so I’m pretty close to 30. I know way too many people who are still having fun and are pushing 30 with no life goals or financial savings. Sure my parents help me out with certain things, but I pay 90% of my bills. Regardless of money, I need someone who also wants to push boundaries to further their career. I don’t see myself staying in some 9-5 job my entire life. I hope to be able to start my own brand (a la Elite Urbanite) and eventually have my own event planning company, because it’s always been a passion of mine. I’m all for being someones support system, but I’m not going to be someone’s mommy either. I don’t have enough drive for the both of us.
The Conversation Flows
I can literally talk about everything. I meaaaaan you can’t start a blog without having some sort of vast knowledge of a bunch of random shit going on in the world. So here we are! I absolutely HATE when I have to keep the conversation going or think of things to talk about. Talking to someone you want to date shouldn’t feel like a task. If talking to that person for 3 hours feel like 10 minutes, they’re definitely the right one. I am a bit of a “Chatty Kathy” (again, why I started a blog), so I’ve felt as though I was annoying guys by talking about serious issues like politics and culture, or even fun things like music, memes, and tv shows. But if you aren’t able to talk about anything and everything, how do you expect to *possibly* spend the rest of your life with this person???
They Give You Space
Lastly, and probably most importantly… they give you spaaaace. Dating during this quarantine is somewhat easier because we’re forced to give one another space and are actually able to get to know one another! As I mentioned before, we are HUMAN. Sometimes we like to be alone, I know I certainly do. It’s nice having someone to chat with during quarantine of course, but in person I don’t expect to see someone every single day. Once the world opens back up there will be so many different aspects of our lives that’ll change, one of those things will be returning back to work. After a long exhausting day of work I do not expect my partner to want to spend hours with me. That’s literally what the weekends are for. Sure a mid week date night is always fun, but eventually spending time will feel draining and like something we don’t even want to do. Even when it comes to friendships and extracurricular things. If I feel like having a weekend with my girls, I would expect my partner not to have any issues with that and vice versa. As someone who enjoys a bit of alone time, I would be thrilled to hear my partner is spending the day playing golf with his boys.
As a broke college student, living on campus on the weekends were rough. When my friend and I needed to escape the stressful school environment, we would hit up Abbot Kinney. If you’re looking for a cool place to unwind, and want a change of scenery, TOM’s Flagship Store is the place to go. Located about 10 minutes away from Loyola Marymount on Abbot Kinney, TOM’S Flagship Store is a super chill spot to grab coffee (or if you’re like me, tea), study, and even shop. There is something for everyone in this surprisingly large coffee shop. They sell cold pressed juices by the company Juice Served Here, Organic Tea and Coffee brewed by the TOM’s brand, as well as a large selection of shoes, sunglasses, and handbags by the brand. The employees here are very friendly and said they would love to see more Loyola Marymount Students come in. As I sat in the coffee shop, I heard music from the likes of Major Lazer, The Beatles, Alabama Shakes, Arctic Monkeys and many other bands that had me constantly re-opening my Shazam app. The tunes in this hidden gem are pretty appealing to someone with an eclectic ear, much like myself. The rustic decor allows for a very cozy environment, making you feel as if you were vibing out in your own living room. Though parking is minimal, I highly suggest you take the time to check out TOM’s Flagship store one weekend. And if you’re up to do a little discovering, Venice is definitely a nice place to walk around once you finish up your tasks!